Day 849 – Grayson’s Journey

To our dear family and friends,

Tonight I treated Grayson to something he hasn't had in a very long time – a "Double-Double", root beer, and fries at In-N-Out.

While he was eating, I kept reminding Grayson to hold his burger with two hands. He has a tendency to hold with one hand, everything falls apart and lands in his lap or on the table. I also reminded him to tear the paper down – without the reminders he would ingest a significant amount of not-so-healthful "insoluble fiber". Fries were consumed by the handfuls and I could tell he was enjoying this rare treat.

Since Grayson is still in somewhat of a down cycle, he was very non-verbal, kept turning in his seat and trying to stand up during dinner. Additionally, during this type of phase he holds his hands in a kind of claw-like posture, sits hunched down with his neck bent and scratches his head frequently. (Though, with reminders he will sit up tall, relax his hands and hold his head up for a less than a minute).

As we finished eating a very attentive, sweet young employee (he looked about 19) asked if he could take our trash away. I thanked him and Grayson echoed his thanks. The young man then returned with a paper In-N-Out hat similar to the one he was wearing and asked Grayson if he would like it. Grayson eagerly took the hat and put it on his head.

This short exchange touched me deeply. First, because this sensitive employee recognized that Grayson was challenged and went out of his way to make our visit special.

What I didn't expect was my reaction to this kindness. I am so used to being with Grayson and moving forward and backward with him along his ability spectrum that it becomes second nature. Some days I think a stranger might think there was something off but that he looks healthy and "normal". Other days, when he isn't smiling and stares at people, I wonder if they are intimidated by him. Today, this employee obviously saw a challenged individual with a child-like demeanor and had the courage to reach out and interact.

One of my greatest fears is that after we are no longer able to care for Grayson, that someone will perceive him as a threat rather than the sweet individual he is. He will no longer look like a man/child but a man. Conflict resolution in the public sector isn't always optimal for those who cannot communicate or process traditionally. Without understanding the simple act of bumping someone or putting his head on a stranger's shoulder or taking something off someone's plate in a restaurant could, obviously, escalate to a bad situation.

This is when I must relinquish my fears and trust that there will be other sensitive, loving people along Grayson's path who will reach out and make a connection.

In faith and hope,

Regina