Day 1097 – Grayson’s Journey

Dear family and friends

It was three years ago today that I was on my way out the door, heading to the airport for a business trip to Philadelphia. Grayson gave me a big hug and said, “Love you Dad! See you Friday.” It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. That image is burned into my brain, and I had no idea that those would be the last words I would have with my son before a brain injury altered him forever. Roughly 90 minutes later my plane went wheels up, and Grayson had his cardiac incident – ironic that they would occur about the same time. Two and a half hours later I landed at DFW and turned on my cell phone. There was a message from the Glendale PD that was my first indication that life was forever changed.

While we knew that our lives were changed, we had no idea what changes were in store for us in those early days. The first night I expected him to recover just as he had in 2004. Scary but he’ll pull through, I thought. Then things became more complicated. For the next few days as he clung to life, it appeared that we would be adjusting to life without Grayson, as it was unclear if he would survive the traumatic experience. After he started to pull out of the woods, we realized he would live, but we were unsure if he would ever be able to walk and talk. Within a month he showed us that he could learn to walk again, and he became increasingly more verbal, but not very understandable.

By month 3 he was in residential rehab in Bakersfield. At this point we started to come to grips with the limits to his capabilities, but it took us several more months to realize that we would become his primary caregivers and all that the role entailed. We understood intellectually, but only after he moved back home did we fully appreciate what that meant.

Grayson has been home 26 months now. We have adjusted to the routine of living with an adult child with severe disabilities. We take him everywhere with us. But in all of those 26 months, the first time we (as in both of us together) were away from him overnight was when we went to Napa two weeks ago. Being the parent of a severely challenged young adult is a calling.

And not to forget about the impact on the siblings, Austin and Lauren have had to develop a new relationship with their older brother that they looked up to all of the years that they were growing up. He is no longer the same Grayson that they grew to know, love and count on. The change affects everyone.

There are days where the caregiver is unavailable and we have to scramble. There are times where we get frustrated and have to get past it. There are (many) times when I’m out of town and Regina has to shoulder the burden by herself. But our new life has become understood and the surprises and last minute panics have become routine. Is it what we expected as we approach our golden years? Hardly. But we have been given many gifts, and Grayson is one of those gifts that need our care.

And Grayson retains the most important element of his personality from before his incident – he is happy and loving. Don’t you wish that everyone you came in contact with daily had those traits?

Pax!

Brant