Dear family and friends,
Grayson is still in a relatively non-verbal phase. The two-, three-, four-word sentences are gone and I am lucky to get one word answers – even if I ask for a restatement in a full sentence.
Earlier this week I mentioned that Grayson tried to bite, kick, and hit his caregiver when she tried to get him to stick with a task for more than a couple of minutes. It doesn't happen much anymore but for the first year after his injury Grayson exhibited a fair amount of these behaviors. Most frequently it was in response to someone pushing him to try a little harder or longer. Sometimes we witnessed it in response to caregivers who tried to use power or anger to control his behavior. He pushed back when he felt he was being overpowered.
We must remember that Grayson does not have much control or power over his life any more. Where once he was an eloquent speaker and writer with a rich vocabulary, now he doesn't have good command of more than basic verbal skills. He is betrayed by his body and his mind. What tools does he have at his disposal to respond to a challenge? Self control? Goal setting? Delayed gratification? Understanding consequences? These cognitive abilities are severely diminished if not completely gone. He is at the mercy of those around him to be sensitive, supportive, and patiently keep him out of trouble while encouraging him daily to stretch his abilities.
When he does respond with anger or in self-defense, it is quite easy to redirect inappropriate actions. A step backward out of harm's way. A statement of the (no-hitting, biting, kicking) rule. An immediate acknowledgment of his frustration followed by a statement that we know he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Then a request to use words instead to tell us what he wants (demonstrating appropriate words). This is why I have him practice saying "stop" when he doesn't like what someone is doing. Sound familiar? Anyone who has had young children will recognize the offending behavior as well as the redirecting coaching. It is exactly what we did with our two- and three-year olds.
By the way, Grayson usually follows an episode like that with wanting to give us a big hug.
He is still a loving, little boy inside who wants to please.
With gratitude for our children to our loving, heavenly Father.
Peace,
Regina
Great explanation, Regina. I can see how it happens and how it is well handled. Parents of very young children have to be sort of like a sheepdog. Circle behind to the left and then to the right to guide the sheep where they should go. Gentle and tender, showing the way, guiding them to green pastures and still waters.
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